In 90 percent of child sexual abuse cases, the perpetrator is someone the child knows and trusts. It may be a family member or close friend. Often, this person will work to gain the trust of the family first, and then the child. Sometimes a child will say, “I don’t like it when Uncle John kisses me” or “I think Mr. Wilson is kind of creepy.” Respect your child’s feelings. Don’t force a child to kiss a relative or friend, or go with an adult he or she feels uncomfortable with.

Talk about abuse

If you talk about the possibility of abuse with your children and other parents, you can share information and help prevent abuse by being vigilant about actions that may indicate that someone is an abuser.

Teach boundaries and safety

Teach your child about safety. Help children learn about privacy and teach your child that adults must respect his or her limits when it comes to physical touching. Practice this behavior yourself by respecting your child’s “no” when it comes to tickling or hugging. If your child doesn’t want to kiss Uncle John, let him or her shake hands instead.

Develop a safety plan

Talk about whom your child can go to if he or she does not feel safe, and whom to talk to if something happens that he or she needs to talk about. If your child walks to school, identify houses or places where your child can go to call you if he or she feels unsafe. You may want to develop a safety plan that includes other families in your neighborhood, so that you can all help each other to keep your children safe.

Signs that someone may be an abuser

Someone you know may be someone who has a problem. Sometimes this person may say or do things that worry or confuse you. If someone you know behaves in a way that bothers you, talk to them about it. You may be able to help them to get the help they need. Child sexual abuse happens in an atmosphere of silence and secrecy. Abusers count on us to keep silent. Only by breaking that silence can we end child sexual abuse.

Behaviors that may indicate a problem:

Prefers the company of children to that of adults
Doesn’t respect children’s limits—hugs, kisses, tickles, etc even when child does not want it
Buys children expensive gifts
Doesn’t respect a child’s privacy
Regularly offers to babysit for free, or takes children on overnight outings alone.
Asks children to keep secrets
Talks about children in a sexual way
Talks about sexual fantasies involving children
Looks at child pornography
Has a “special” child friend